??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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