can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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