There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
