He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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