Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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