The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
