Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
