I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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