Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COCAINE IS GR8
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize