Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
