My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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