puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
