Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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