Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
