Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize