Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
