also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
