Whod you bang
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
