walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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