Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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