Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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