doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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