.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
