this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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