Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
