Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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