Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize