I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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