Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
