Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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