in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
