I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
