T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize