This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
