My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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