You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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