so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
