Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I believe in your delicious
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
