I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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