this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize