so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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