my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
