It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
