Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
