I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wanna go halves on a baby?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
