I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
