Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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