glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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