he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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