dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
