Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
