I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
