I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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