would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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