Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
