Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
