Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
