i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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