im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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