yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
