I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
