Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
