PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize