it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
