Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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