Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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