its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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