Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
