How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
