I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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