Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
