you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize