I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
