I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
