i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
