Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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