I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
