I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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