Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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