apparently the secret to your success is patron
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
