Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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